it was hard for me, I couldn’t understand why, just why it had to be like that.
I’m aware that things need to change.
that they are constantly changing and that people are unpredictable but there was something that I felt, I felt that if I continued to behave the same way then things would go back and then It be the same.
is not. it wasn’t. and it will not be.
is weird. how I thought that holding on to my old belief would somehow bring it all back together.
most of the time I felt frustrated with myself and everyone else.
and after almost whole year it hit me.
is not on me. and it doesn’t matter if i’m there or not. it will happen, this will happen regardless of where I am. I’m not essential, in fact like anyone in any sort of organization I’m easily discardable.
I’m a fool.
I laugh about it now, how silly I was being thinking I was in the right, taking things so personal and now, now that I just let things happen how lighter everything else feels. How light I feel.
is not my job.
I don’t have to control it.
is not my job.
it took me a harsh conversation, and a few nights awake thinking of my place in between all this.
is not my job.
I’m not okay 